Pandemic Podcast
STUCK SOMEWHERE
Above is a photo of myself at Slumber Party (the hostel). March 11, 2020. The night I met my. now, ex-boyfriend. This was about two before lockdown began. We lived together almost five months.
This is Loba. The puppy we fostered for a month. She kept me company during lockdown. She was adopted by a surf instructor and now spends her day roaming the beach.
2020 has been a year of extreme unpredictability.
I never thought I would have been stranded in a foreign country, living with a man I'd just met, and a puppy. A seemingly perfect life hidden from the major chaos.
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Unfortunately, as picturesque as that sounds, mentally, the situation was taking a toll on me.
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It was not because of anyone in particular, or an event that happened.
Rather it was a continuous cycle of self-doubt. I was in this amazing place where everyone around me was accomplished. Successful. These were things I couldn't classify myself as.
Who was I?
I didn't know (and still don't know) what I was doing with my life. I compared myself to those around me.
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I felt out of place, less than, and intimidated.
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I look back now and image what life would have looked like if I stayed in Canada. Who I would have lived with, what I would have done, how I would feel.
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I've realised how contrasting my experiences could have been. Where I was geographically shaped my experience. And I'm sure that's been the case for many people.
When quarantine loosened up, we went out and explored the island. We hiked up Mount Batur to catch the sunrise, grabbed ice-cream, went to Ubud and got a home cooked local meal from our host, did a bit of surfing, and went to see rice fields. We spent a lot of our time together. Maybe too much. We were at different points in our lives though. I wanted to go out and do things. He wanted to focus on work and make business connections with people.
This is me.
I did have a good time abroad. Nothing's perfect though. If I wasn't stuck here, I would have missed out on everything I saw and experienced. If I was at home, maybe my mindset would have been a bit more positive, healthier, supported.
Both of these images are of places where I met successful people, and was surrounded by what they did. The first image is where a travel influence and travel guide writer lives. The second is where all these e-commerce guys live (that's one their Bengal cats). Everyone has some sort of business online. I felt insecure about the fact they were working whereas I was only doing school.
I tried making friends, and was in a dance group. But nothing seemed to last. It was hard connecting to people with vastly different lives. It didn't help that most of us were leaving shortly, as it's hard to build friendships when they feel temporary.
These are all images from since I've been back in Canada. I've been able to catch up with old roommates, my family, and longtime close friends. They've always been welcoming and accepting of where I am in life. It's easy to talk with them
because our conversations aren't centered around business or e-commerce, it's just about how you've been.